Fear and exhilaration in equal measure

** Warning – waffly post, no photos and may not even appear because has been scheduled. My fingers are crossed.

I am having a feel-the-fear-and-do-it-anyway phase in my life at the moment… with a whole plethora of things in both my work and my personal life. Taking the plunge and just doing something, and leaving my comfort zone way behind, seem to be the order of the day.

This is not a bad thing, but it’s not particularly restful either… my naturally fretful side (which is usually eclipsed by the laid back, anything-goes side of my personality, but which does rise to the surface during times of stress) is having an absolute field day worrying and analysing and generally freaking out.

However, I am doing these things regardless and I have to say, afterwards, it’s a fabulous feeling! We’re talking a relatively long list of things ranging from wearing red (proper red) lipstick and a vintage dress to work on dress-down Friday, to starting skating again, to organising the company’s Staff Day (which is a massive undertaking I would have sworn I wasn’t able to do, but have actually managed ok so far, touch wood) to my biggest piece of madness to date, agreeing to go on this utterly mad rally.

It’s going to be exhilarating and freeing and liberating, and it will be a massive sense of achievement when I’ve done it, knowing I can drive abroad and sleep in cars and cope with not knowing the language and be in a different country every day and make new friends and let’s not forget talk to blokes on an even footing (as opposed to melting into a terrified puddle every time one approaches). There are all these positives and I am still terrified.

But sometimes, life really is too short not to do things that scare you. And that kind of mood comes around so infrequently (to me, at least) that I’m embracing it and doing things I definitely wouldn’t normally.

On the list of things I would like to do while this mood continues are things like attend a vintage themed event, set up another collective, this time with a theme (that’s an ongoing project anyway, but is going to take courage and luck to actually launch), finally get my shops back up and running, make a start on the book, read my old diaries, have a jumping lesson (on horseback), drive through London, etc. They’re all quite small individually but looking at the things I’ve done, I do and I want to do, and comparing the girl I am now to the girl I was just a few short years ago makes me realise how far I’ve come and how much I am, now, the girl I want to be.

Here’s to adventure and happiness… and a healthy dose of recklessness! (Hell, I’m in my 20s – it’s practically compulsory!)

What do you do that’s unusual, that scares you or that you know might not be entirely sensible?



Filed under Absorbing, Adventuring, Driving, Inspiration and inspiring things, Learning, Life Plans and Goals, Loving & Living, Personal Development, Planning, R2R 2011 (Banger rally), Thinking

2 responses to “Fear and exhilaration in equal measure

  1. kirosl

    I’m a massive fan of doing scary things – keep going :-) Mine include changing career (twice), many solo holidays (including 4 months travelling), various adrenaline activites like bungy jumping, sky diving etc.. and probably the most stupid – learning to fly a helicopter :-) Sometimes I wonder what on earth I was thinking but I’ve never regretted any of it.

    I’m a bit stuck at the moment (jobless after my last trip) which is really hindering my abilty to do interesting things. Currently I’m working on setting my writing free into the world (fiction, poetry, non-fiction). That’s pretty scary :-)

    • ah now I could never dismiss learning to fly a helicopter as stupid! You’re a big inspiration to me actually lovely, with all the things that you do and have done. I’ve still not quite worked up the courage to go abroad on my own but it’s on that list. Launching myself into the air attached to parachutes or bits of stretchy string is never going to happen though, I’ll leave those bits of madness to you :P

      Squee I’m sure your writing will find a wonderful reception – please keep me updated, that’s really exciting (and brave too!) xx

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